And then I hear it...the sound of her wings...

Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?

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Tales From The Crazy Side - Chapter Three
Title: Tales From The Crazy Side - Chapter Three
Fandom: X/Tokyo Babylon
Rating: T
Characters: Kamui, Keiichi
Warnings: A large amount of silliness, crack pairings
Summary: A story of a completely normal boy who's life is turning odd with his new job, and of his best friend, who's maybe the sanest out of his completely bizarre life. Probable KamuixKeiichi, other pairings yet to be decided.


It's great that you got her back! I hope she's adjusting well again to being an indoor cat, since, well, aside from this adventure, she's always been an indoor cat. Tell her she's an idiot for me? I bet that Kinomoto-san's daughter's big green eyes have nothing on my dad's whenever we manage to disappoint him. Mom always caves in when he turns them on her, he just looks so vulnerable and sad. It's actually really funny, if he was any more able to manipulate people, he could probably get the key to the whole damn world with those big green sad eyes. Except that it would make him sad to use them that way, and well...I'm stopping there before I talk myself in circles. Anyway, your cat is an idiot for leaving your house and she knows it, and no matter how much she liked to stalk my feet while I was doing homework, it does not change the fact that she was an idiot. Oh, Dad says you're welcome by the way.

So wait, let me get this straight. Your serial killer in training receptionist is actually saving up money to go to medical school to become a surgeon? So she'll be getting better training in how to use knives? Better watch out, it's just a front so that you won't report her to the police before she gets started. I know, I have no right to talk, but I promise I only stab people if they harass my siblings, and only in the groin. It solves the communication errors quickly and effectively.

Also, from the fact that you're using Kanoe's first name, (and I can tell, I looked her up on line after I got your letter and it's her first name), I'm deducing that you have a crush on her. Please tell me that you're not sleeping with your boss, even if she's giving Hokuto bust envy. Actually, please do, because otherwise Hokuto's going to transfer colleges and find out how to get a 'job' there herself, and I do not approve.

...stop laughing at me. I don't care if I can't see you, I know that you're laughing at me. And that you're not stopping. Stupidhead. You're worse than your cat.

Also I totally laughed hard enough to startle the twins when I read the other crazy client you had, Fuuma almost dropped the milk carton he was getting. I should get up early enough to surprise them more often, Seishirou makes great faces when annoyed and pissed off. Of course, Mom sent me back to bed because I'd only slept for an hour and she didn't want me giving Dad a headache, but I'm a healthy just out of college twenty year old whose still living with my parents! Of course I have the right to sleep like an idiot and freak the shit out of my siblings!

Sadly, she didn't agree with me about this, and so she sent me to bed, and then threatened to send Kotori in if I didn't sleep all day. Damn Mom, she knows all my secrets.

Speaking of Dad, I've been a bit worried about him recently, he's been looking pale, and he no longer does things like show off his knife skills when asked while cooking. It might be nothing, but would you ask your surgeon to be if there's any conclusive identifications of illnesses to be that can be diagnosed from not showing off when begged by his children, and being pale all the time? I know that it isn't that Mom's pregnant (thank God), because she's actually been watching him too. Okay, yes something's wrong. I just have no clue yet.

Oh, I did some checking in on the delinquent family after you speculated on it last time, and damn it, how do you always call it? Even the girl was taller than I was! But I got another offer, and even though it's a little odd, I might take it. I want to meet with the family first though, so no promises on what's happening next.

Anyway, you decided to ask me a metric fuckton of questions in the last letter, so I suppose I'd better get on them. Also, the pencil throwing thing is embarrassing. Stop mentioning it. Haha, you're going to make my letters so long, that's not fair. Either write more or stop asking so many questions.

The reason why I don't get along with Seishirou so well is because I'm me and he's himself. We get along as well as fire and oil do on a regular basis. Flames everywhere. Okay, that answer was short. Good.

Would you like me to put it in perspective on Mom's craziness? Okay, so I kind of mentioned the Tokyo Tower incident, that was embarrassing. But when she proposed to my father (cause he'd never manage to do it), she did it by presenting the head of her clan of assassins that had been strongly advocating against them being together while still covered in the brains of every single other person in the clan who didn't agree with her. This was roughly everyone. And here's where Dad gets crazy, he thought it was sweet. Also crazy, and he admits that he would have preferred a ring for the proposal rather than a severed head, but he quite seriously thought it was sweet. So yes, she's a little on the unbalanced side. Very sweet at her best times though.

And as for how Father got in, well he doesn't talk much about his past, even when tricked into it, but from what I've gathered, he never knew his parents, was raised by his grandmother and twin sister at the same time and while they were all from the oldest clan of assassins that wasn't my mother's, they wanted to keep him and his sweet self out of the business. Despite the fact that his sister had no true talent for it, she learned how to be the assassin in his place so she could protect him. But it wasn't enough, and one day he came home and she and his grandmother were dead, with only the assassin who killed them's knife buried deep in his sister's chest as a hint of where to get revenge. And as for what happened afterwards, he will not talk about it, he just says that he went a little mad, and learned how to kill to get justice for them. Studying newspaper trails, I can only see that he was there for their funeral, and then he vanished. What I'm guessing happened, is that he found an elder assassin who trained him how to do it, and the first time he appeared in any paper record since then was a report of the assassin who'd killed his family (Setsuka's mother) who had the knife that had killed his sister buried in the exact same place that she'd left it on his twin; buried so deep in her heart the hilt was sinking through her body. After that, well when you make your mark like that, there's not really a good way to go off and be a zookeeper any more.

I asked him once if he regretted not getting that chance, and he told me that he didn't think he'd be as happy without me and my siblings. I really did (and still do) feel flattered by that, but at the same time, I felt like he was dodging the question. He's actually scarily good at it. He can't lie to save his life, but if he can dodge the question, he will.

And last on that list, no. I've never killed anyone, and I don't have any aspirations to. If I have to to save a life, I will, but I'd rather not. Once you kill someone, you carry that weight forever, you can't forget. Unless you decide to be a monster. I won't be.

And Hokuto's way up north, now that I see your other questions. I can't recall the name of the college, but considering that she's been staying there even when it snows, she must like it. Although I have her latest letter too, and if these comments on strip clubs are anything to go by, I may have to stage an intervention and go up there myself. My little sister does not belong in a strip club!

And what's it like to have siblings...well that's kind of a difficult question really. It can be annoying, and tiring, and they're always in your way. But even though they can be aggravating, I certainly wouldn't give mine up.

Maybe Seishirou if he keeps trying to steal my knives though. He's not allowed to get into them. He has his own. Fuuma got this lesson down before he was old enough to hold knives, I don't get why Seishirou doesn't seem to.

If you want to come see us, just give us enough warning that we can pick you up at the station on time. Mom won't care and Dad will be happy for the sanity. As long as you remember to not completely overwhelm him with energy. Also Hokuto's coming down for a weekend pretty soon, I'll have to check with Dad and see which one.

It'll be nice to have you around again. Bring your cat.

Until next time,

Sakurazuka Kamui.


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